


Over Dose

by Midwestfagg



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: 19 days boys, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Heavy Angst, I love torturing my character, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mo Guan Shan angst, Other, Suicide Attempt, Tianshan - Freeform, You Have Been Warned, Zhanyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-06-26 13:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midwestfagg/pseuds/Midwestfagg
Summary: Guan Shan couldn't do it anymore. He just couldn't fight anymore, after fighting his entire life for everything. He's finally given up.





	1. I'm Sorry

Mo Guan Shan's body shook as tears streamed down his pale cheeks.

 _Oh_ _god_ _._

He sat at his desk, subconsciously aware of the open window with the chilly air nipping at his bare ankles. His desk chair shifted to one side as he stared at the half empty bottle of pills.

And he found himself digging to get more.

The room buzzed with anxiety and settled in his brain as he let his head fall back, staring at the celling. Tears began to gather in his eyes and he tried to blink them away.

His hands heavily sweated and he wiped it on black jeans that were usually comfortable but now everything was just so itchy and pokey.

_What_ _to_ _do_ _now?_

How much longer would it take? Would it hurt? The wave of reality crashed down on him and burned him alive. It felt like fire crawling up his legs, spreading and eventually completely envelope his entire body.

His body was soon shaking, tremors running up, down and around his body as he held himself. He pressed his temple against his wooden desk and inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm the fuck down and to stop the room from buzzing. (At this point he wasn't sure if it was the anxiety or the pills.)

He was alone... His body shaking,

Tell _someone_

_Talk to them._

His trembling hand reached for his phone. He didn't want to be alone for this. Just something to get off his mind.

**Mo**

_Hey Yi, What's up?_

**Jian Yi**  
_Can't talk rn_ _. Later?_

"Tell him," the words slipped off of his lips, dripping with melancoly. 

**Mo**  
_Yeah sure_

Guan Shan's cold fingers were trembling as he continued to scroll through his contacts. He texted one of his old friends but got almost the same response.

Now to contact Zhan Zheng Xi.

**Mo**  
_Xi? Can we talk?_

**Xi Xi**  
_Not rn. Studying._

A little smirk covered his face for a spilt second before he frowned. Normally, he would've chuckled and sent back some snarky come back but he just didn't feel it.

**Mo**  
_Hey... How's shit?_

**Buzzcut**  
_Fucking great. I just can't talk rn_

**Mo**  
_Okay_

Mo's heart wrenched, _no one wanting to talk..._ he placed his trembling hands on his body, slowly tracing his skin before he reached his rust colored hair and took hand fulls in his hands.

He was making the right choice.

Wouldn't be a hassle to anyone. Not Mom, Jian Yi, Buzzcut, Zhan Zheng Xi, and not... _He Tian._

_He fucking Tian._

The boy he held so close to his heart but his love wouldn't be requited... They were not even friends...

He so desperately wanted Tian to hold him... To hold He Tian. To tumble around, hold hands, kiss and pretend everything was okay...

That's what he wanted but this isn't some perfect fairytale. He wasn't the rich pretty girl so obviously he wouldn't get what he wanted. He Tian was a rich pretty boy that seemed like a god to Mo. A god he didn't deserve

But _He Tian_ _...._

**Mo**  
_Help_

_I'm sorry for bring you into this now._

It had been a few minutes since Mo texted Tian and Guan Shan was truly freaking out. He Tian was probably complaining about him or hasn't even seen the text.

"Why am I this way?" He whispered and pulled his knees to his chest and inhaled and exhaled shakey breaths.

**He** **Tian**  
_What's up?_

**Mo**  
_I'm scared._

**He** **Tian**  
_W_ _hat's going on? You're not making any sense._

**Mo**  
_I_ _did something bad..._

**He** **Tian**  
__Which is...??__

**Mo**  
__I don't wanna talk about it rn... Just talk to me.__

**He Tian**  
__...About what?__

**Mo**  
_Anything. Just pretend like it's a normal_ _ _co__ _nversatio_ n.

**He** **Tian**  
_Did you do the homework in English? I think you missed that day... I could help you if you wanted help with it..._

**Mo**  
_Homework?? What homework??_

**He** **Tian**  
_Like_ _I said... You weren't in class when we got the assignment. Just tell the teacher_

_**Mo**_  
_It doesn't_ _matter anyways_ _..._

_How are you and your girlfriend?_

**He Tian**  
_We actually aren't together anymore... We both wanted different_ _things_

**Mo**

_I'm sorry_

**He Tian**  
_It's fine._

**Mo**  
_I'm sorry... tell everyone that... okay? I'm sorry that I can't do this anymore and tell everyone that I love them... Okay? I love_ _you too_

•~•~•

"I don't know... It was really vague... He did something bad and he was scared and that he's sorry but loves everyone... And that was it..." He Tian let out a little sigh and buried his shaking hands into the pockets of his hoodie. It was basically winter, so obviously they were cold but besides being cold, He Tian was terrified. His mind kept telling him that Guan Shan could do the most irreversible thing ever... _Death._

"It's not like Mo to be so dramatic..." Xi Xi mumbled, burying his head in his scarf, "He rarely says that kind of shit."

"Well, when we do get there, he owes me at least ramen." Buzzcut shivered as they walked up the steps of Guan's flat building.

"Yep." Jian Yi sighed, nodding his head slightly.

"Do you guys think something bad happened to him?" Jian Yi spoke softly and delicately.

There was a heavy silence, Tian's head dropping. It had been in his mind the entire walk to the flat. He prayed to any and every God out there, hoping Mo was okay.

"Like I said... He was super vauge... Anything could've happened... He could've been feeling angsty..." He Tian started.

"Or he could've been drinking." Jian Yi said, shrugging his shoulders, "He gets sentimental when he does drink."

"Or he could've... pocket texted?"

"Sure whatever."

"O-or... He did... _That."_ Zheng Xi whispered quietly, "He's had issues in the past."

The group went quiet, something catching in He Tian's throat. Mo couldn't be gone. He just simply couldn't. 

The group arrived at Guan's flat's door, Zhan Zheng using his extra key to get them in.

They all cautiously stepped through the house, calling Mo's name.

A window was open, in the living room area and all lights were off. The group split up and went to look for Guan Shan. Buzzcut went to his work room, Jian Yi to the bathroom and He Tian and Xi Xi to the bedroom.

Zhan Zheng Xi flicked on the light of the bedroom and they saw.

"Oh my God!"


	2. It'll be okay

He Tian's dark eyes flicked around the hospital waiting room, praying that Guan Shan would be alright. He never really believed in a god, let alone prayed to one but if had to do it to make sure Guan Shan was okay, he was going to do it.

Mrs Mo was on his right side, leaning into his shoulder and gripped his hand as she silently sobbed. He knew Mrs Mo was trying to be strong but that was her only son. Her baby boy.

They had road in the ambulance with Mo as the paramedics attempted to save his life to the drive to the hospital. He Tian was panicking because of the dead look in Guan Shan's eyes and the foam that drooled from the corner of his mouth but he could only begin to imagine what Mrs Mo was going through.

It had been an hour since they had arrived at the hospital and others still weren't there. Probably because they were giving statements to the police and then He Cheng had to drive them all over to the hospital. He Tian and Mrs Mo also had to give statements, but they did it at the hospital.

He Tian really needed his brother, as much as He Tian hated to admit it. He wanted his brother to be there with him, for him.

•~•~•

Zhan Zheng Xi chewed on the end of his fingers (a habit that both his mother and sister hated) in the back seat of He Cheng's dark SUV. The ride was fairly quiet, Buzzcut to his left, staring at nothing in particular with a blank expression with tears rolling down his cheeks. Jian Yi was a mess to his right, going from crying on the brunette's shoulder to sitting upright and trying to keep himself together.

Jian Yi's head fell to Xi Xi's shoulder again as Zheng Xi spoke, "He Cheng… are we almost there?"

"Just a bit longer," He responded solemnly, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

The car ride continued, arriving at the hospital. They ran in, checked in quickly before running to what was Mo's room. They peeked through the window on the closed door to see doctors and nurses rushing around the room while Mo lay unconscious in the bed. His face seemed peaceful as the doctors hooked him up to many different machines to keep him alive.

A nurse stepped outside the room and spoke to the boys softly, "I'm sorry but he's not ready for visitors. You'll have to go to the waiting room, we'll let you know of any improvement."

•~•~•

He Cheng walked into the emergency waiting room with Jian Yi, Zhan Zheng Xi and Buzzcut following closely behind them. Jian Yi's face was buried into a distraught Xi Xi's shoulder and Buzzcut had red puffy eyes, indicating to He Tian that he was crying earlier. But his brother was still the emotionless bastard he was.

Buzzcut took a seat at the side of Mrs Mo and hugged her while He Tian stood and went to his brother. Jian Yi was still crying into Zhan Zheng Xi's side as they sat, leaving two seats for He Tian and He Cheng. 

"Brother…" He Tian whispered softly. He Cheng sighed in response and ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his face before opening his arms for He Tian. He Tian seemed to collapse into his brother's chest, his head hitting hard but his arms tightly gripped his older brother. Feeling his brother's arms around him was a feeling that was somewhat forigen since he hadn't felt this type of safety from him since he was about seven.

"He Tian… you should sit down…" He Cheng coaxed his younger brother sit next to Mrs Mo and he sat on the other side next to Xi Xi.

•~•~•

"Excuse me? Sir… please wake up." He Tian's eyes flew open to see a nurse gently shaking his shoulder, "Mister, wake up…"

"Hmm?" He Tian sat up after leaning against his brother while asleep, "Why?"

"The person your here for is Mo Guan Shan, correct?"

He Tian yawned and nodded, "Yeah?"

The nurse gave him a soft smile before continuing, "They have him stabilized him… and we have staff that will be watching him all night long, but he should up for visitors ."

He Tian nodded and jolted up, realizing what was happening but still sleep deprived. He poked his brother's side, "He Cheng, We gotta get up," 

He Cheng seemed to be awake and alert in an instant and nodded at He Tian, "Wake up Mrs Mo and that other kid, I'll wake Jian Yi and his friend."

Jian Yi was currently laying on two chairs with his head on Xi Xi's lap and his hand grabbing at Zheng Xi's ear while Mrs Mo and Buzzcut were hugging each other, asleep.

He Tian rubbed Mrs Mo's shoulder and spoke softly even though he was still half asleep, "Com'on Mom… we gotta go…"

Jian Yi stretched and pointed at He Tian, "Did you just call her mom?" 

He Tian hummed in response and shrugging, "I'm sorry Mrs Mo…"

"It's fine…" She gave him a smile and hug before they all had a mad dash to Mo's room.

•~•~•

"No… This is a sleepover." Mo insisted and glared at the doctor. He really wished his friends would show up to the sleepover but if they didn't come that was okay with him. He had this dude to hang out with.

"Mr Mo… you're at that hospital," The doctor sighed and began to flip through the papers on his clipboard.

"Nope." Mo put an unnecessary emphasis on the p and giggled, "See! My friends! They're here!" 

Mo pointed at the door as Mrs Mo entered with the boys following her in. They all looked upset which was kind of confusing for Mo but it was okay, he'd make them happier.

"And Mr Doctor… I'm wearing this nightgown and my friends are here. It. Is. A. Sleepover." Mo frowned at the doctor as he spoke. He couldn't believe that the man said they weren't having a sleepover but it also made Mo a bit upset. Did he not want to hang out with Mo?

"That's a hospital gown… Mr Mo… the nurse that was in here earlier will be returning soon to do a few more tests so enjoy your time with your visitors."

He Tian tensed as Mo spoke, "He Tian… it's sleepover… right?"

He Tian glanced over at the rest of the group, Jian Yi's face was on Xi Xi's shoulder again and Zhan Zheng Xi was clearly trying to stay strong and emotionless for Jian Yi but it wasn't quite working. Buzz Cut look upset, his eyes red from crying earlier. He Tian could only imagine what he looked like himself. Probably a damn mess.

"He Tian? Is it? Is it a sleepover?" Mo's words brought He Tian back down and grounded him.

There was a choked sob from Mrs Mo and she immediately covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head softly to herself.

"Ma?" Mo's voice was soft, "Why are you-"

Mrs Mo hugged her bewildered son and sobbed harder, "Don't do this ever again… you hear me?"

Her voice was hushed and muffled but Mo suddenly remembered what had happened, "I'm sorry Ma… I didn't-"

"Shhhh, you don't need to explain yourself,"

•~•~•

He Tian rubbed Mrs Mo’s shoulder softly, as a way to comfort the older woman and only now just realized what a mess she was. The redhead’s mother was clearly exhausted and her mascara smear a bit more every time she rubbed her sore eyes.

“When he wakes up again, I’m talking to him about this.” Jian Yi announced out of nowhere, mad at Mo for falling asleep soon after his mother spoke to him.

“No...” Buzzcut’s voice was soft and soaked with sleep, “We gotta...” Buzzcut yawned, “We gotta let him recover and let him tell us in his own time,”

Jian Yi huffed, crossing his arms and looking back at Mo, “I just can’t believe he’d do something like that-”

“None of us can,” Mrs Mo hushed the boy with her words before yawning. He Tian made eye contact with his brother before looking at Mrs Mo then Buzzcut then back to He Cheng. His brother understood and stood up, “Mrs Mo, Buzzcut, you two should go home, get some rest. I’ll give you a ride home and in the morning-”

“Or when Mo wakes up,”

“Yes, that too, Mrs Mo.”

Buzzcut stood and offered Mrs Mo his hand and they followed He Cheng out the door.

•~•~•

Jian Yi had fallen asleep shortly after the three had left and had been snoring loudly on Zhan Zheng Xi’s lap, who was also sleep, just a lot quieter.

He Tian could feel himself drifting away until Mo shifted, grabbing his attention. The boy opened his eyes and sighed, looking around in a daze.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” He Tian mused, giving him a small and tired smile but yet it was comforting.

“Hi,” Mo’s voice croaked, still trying to gather his bearings, “Where… Where am I?”

“Hospital.”

“Hm,” Mo hummed in response before pulling his blankets up closer to his chest and saw Jian Yi and Xi Xi out of the corner of his eye, “I’m guessing you know? Right?”

He Tian was silence, biting his lip afraid he was going to cry, “I found you… Mo… I… I saw you-”

“I’m sorry-”

“You fucking better be.” He Tian choked out before throwing his arms around Mo and started sobbing.

“I didn’t even- I didn’t even want to-” Mo mumbled into He Tian’s hair as he held the sobbing boy, “I just... It was an impulse thin in the beginning and then i got so scared so I took more thinking it would go faster and-”

He Tian cut Mo off before the redhead could have a panic attack, “Just promise that you won’t do it again, for me? For us?”

“I’ll try...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AhhhhhhhHHHH hope you guys like it. I wanted to end with the last chapter but I could do it to you guys lol


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